Because LordKat/ his fans/ whoever wont shut up about what happened at MAGfest and I wrote this down in a thread about it at TGWTG.com
This is my comment about what happened.
To begin me and LordKat don’t much like each other. Last Magfest I tried to introduce myself and he didn’t give a shit (or more likely had no idea who I was) and in the year since we’ve had twitter fights where I’d say he was being a complete knob. I wanted to bury the hatchet this Mag but alas not to be.
Magfest. Saturday night. I have just finished filming a review. A guy staying with me and my wife in the room she paid for decides to hold his weekly live stream. Fine. Me and Omega head out and get some food or fresh air or something.
We arrive back hours later to find the room FULL of people. Mostly people we’re friends with. Turns out that the presenter invited someone who had just suffered a breakup up to the room and had decided to get her drunk for the amusement of the stream. The drink was leftovers from the party the previous night (my wife and I had paid for) How drunk was she? She doesnt much care for me and was EXTREMLY friendly and flirtatious. She was wasted.
One of the people in the room is LordKat. I tweet out about the stream because the guy holding it is a friend. We get told that the drunk woman had already been kissing random people in the room. The whole thing made me a little uncomfy. My wife asked asked for us to leave and so we did. Its the guys stream, its his business so we leave him to it.
We went next door where 2 other friends were staying and talked for a bout 30 minutes. Then someone who was in the room came to tell us that the crowd had cajoled the drunk woman into getting topless for the amusement of the stream. This pisses us off. She’s drunk, she can’t consent and their broadcasting (technically) porn from the room my wife paid for.
I check twitter and see how Reviewtopia publicised the stream. (To paraphrase) ‘If we get 30 viewers we’ll def see her tits again!’ and I lose it. They were offering a drunk womans flesh for your viewing amusement for 30 FUCKING VIEWS! I tweet that I’m sorry I publicised the stream, what happened disgusted me and I quit Reviewtopia. About 8 people quit Reviewtopia in the wake of the broadcast and tweet.
My tweet apparently helped end the stream because when I went next door again its over and everyone’s apologising to me. Not to the drunk woman, not to my wife who’s room it was. ME. It just added to my anger. In case you were wondering LordKat left with the drunk woman before I arrived back.
The next day I have a talk with Holly about whether this can affect CA because its turned into a semi-big-ish thing and no, the only way it affects CA is by people asking about it here or people spreading lies about people on CA.
Later on I hear there’s a rumour that Lordkat raped the drunk woman. When I hear it I do my best to put it straight. There was NO evidence that LordKat raped anyone.
Then I get home from Magfest and am linked to LordKats post-Magfest stream where he decided that I started the rumour and insults me for looking disgusting in the facepaint (Seeing as portly New Yorkers are who I aspire to turn-on I shall be changing my look forthwith).
Later on the stream he changes his mind and blames ALL OF CA and then SOMEONE IN CA over what happened, I really wish paranoid people would keep their theories consistent. When in the SOMEONE ON CA period he asks ‘why didn’t they come to me, why didn’t they ask my side of the story before starting the rumour’. He says that about 10 minutes after telling everyone I started the rumour when I didn’t.. without asking me for my side of the story. Anyway some of his more extreme fans have sent me some interesting tweets because of this.
Anyway in that stream he happily admitted to groping the drunk womans tits without her consent (something much worse than anything I realised had happened) and I lose all sympathy for the jackass and his plight.
Ever since I saw that stream I wanted to yell at him something along the lines of ‘you were part of a crowd that got an upset woman drunk, you were part of a crowd that convinced a drunk woman to take her top and then you groped her… and then you left with her. The stream had viewers. Its the internet, worse rumours have been started for MUCH less reason. How fucking stupid are you?!’
To sum up: I shoulda said no to holding the stream in the room, I shoulda kicked them out when they plied a woman with alcohol, I shoulda burst in there when I found about what happened. I shoulda called hotel security. There’s a lot I shoulda done and I’m sorry for all of it. But I wasn’t there when the bad shit happened and heard about it later on.
Now, this has NOTHING to do with CA.
Sometimes I’m not so savvy or eloquent and sometimes I see things differently than others; in metaphors and patterns, in the simple terms of a child. I’m high-functioning autistic and it means my brain has certain physiological differences that often contribute to unique cognitive functioning. Occasional simpleton.
So I went to a convention a few weeks back. It wasn’t as much fun as I’d thought it would be. It was a lot of money, I was very sick, I spent most of my time acting as crew for my wife’s show, and then there was an Incident.
My wife and I returned to our room after filming and it was loud before we opened the door. When we did, it was so hot in there, stifling with an overwhelming odor of stale sweat, alcohol, and too many people. I turned the AC on. Everyone was loud and happily drunk and there were people everywhere. It’d been a hard day and the sudden crowd made me feel shaky and nervous and I retreated into silence. When I’m silent and still, with a child’s wide eyes, that’s how you can tell I’m not alright.
There was a woman there who I knew. We’d met last year, in passing, and once online, when I PM’ed her the link to the RDA FAQ on IRC. I knew all about her though, because everyone was talking about how she broke up with her boyfriend, and he didn’t come to the convention, and how she was really upset. She was barefoot and very drunk, came over to me and hugged me and said how much she liked me and all. Everyone laughed because ‘lesbian’ things are funny. Well, not to real lesbians. I guess fake ‘lesbian’ things are funny? This woman was very flirtatious with me and my wife. I felt uncomfortable.
For a moment, things slowed and the color washed out; I call these moments, ‘movie times’ because suddenly it feels like I’m an outside observer to the events around me. It’s just the conscious perception of cognitive dissonance though, so don’t worry. I felt like everyone was laughing at this woman, because the rumor was that she loves to drink and gets ‘crazy’ when she’s drunk, like she’s an object with a function, like a wind-up toy or a jack-in-the-box, instead of a real living person with a real mind. A woman there I didn’t know told me that she and the other woman kissed on camera. All the guys laughed and wooted again. The drunk woman stood up and almost fell over, helped back to her seat by a friend of mine.
This was not a good place to be. Things were wrong here. I asked my wife if I could talk to her out in the hall and she thought I was upset with her. I said we should do something, say something, everything felt wrong and horrible and I didn’t want to go back into our room. We decided to hang out next door with some friends of ours and that was fine for a bit. I still had that feeling like you do when you were a kid and that one friend suggested doing something really bad and you just felt like maybe you should tell an adult. I was the adult but I was sitting on my friend’s bed wringing my hands like a 5 year-old.
I needed my phone charger so I went back into the room and our one roommate was very upset and asked if he could come hang with us. I brought him back to the other room and he was shaking with rage and upset-ness as he told us that the crowd had talked the drunk woman into kissing other people and taking her top off, live on the stream. He was angry with himself for not saying anything and when I heard that, my stomach dropped because I hadn’t said anything either.
My wife was having none of this and tweeted about it, which is when I saw that my site was tweeting in a very vulgar way to get views for the stream. Above and beyond promising this woman topless again at 30 views, the tweets also described ‘hot lesbian action’, which as a for-reals lesbian, made my soul sink; being a lesbian is not 24-7 sex fetishized for a straight male audience, it’s just being. Perhaps my wife and I should record ourselves making dinner or driving somewhere and sell it as ‘lesbian action.’
Afterwards, well, you all know what happened. Thing is, people involved kept apologizing to me for ‘offending’ me, as if I was the woman everyone was manipulating like an object, as if I was the one being treated like a child or an animal, in a room full of hazy drunken revelry. I feel sick when I remember the short time I was in that room and I wish I had the cognitive eloquence to explain it to the extent that I felt it.
Everyone talks about rape culture as if it’s some invention by evil feminists looking down from their vaginal moon base, but it exists. There’s no rules or meeting place, or wiki, but it’s there. It’s there in all the guys who tried to apologize to me because there was disrespect (at least, if not more) to a woman and hey, *I’m* a woman too.
It’s there in those who defend the man who groped this drunk woman without her consent, when they attacked my wife and other female producers because they’re feminists, and hey, it’s all those UGLY (feminists are always ugly, natch) femi-nazi’s who just hate men because they secretly want ALL THE MEN (sluts!) and they’re trying to outlaw a man’s right to have FUN! It’s there in the fact that the men who were there who DID conduct themselves with grace and compassion, such as ensuring the drunk woman got back to her room and got her friend there to help, are shouted down by their fellows.
It’s there in that when I walked into that room and the drunk girl hugged me, for that moment I ceased to be myself and became an object too. Hot lesbian action, y’all! It’s there in all the people who will howl for months about feminist conspiracies and who’s responsible, rather than admit that a woman was taken advantage of, manipulated into doing something in front of the Internet, and groped without her consent, they’ll just howl that it’s all those damn women, being offended.
Other producers have discussed rape culture and didn’t make a mess of it, as this essay is rapidly becomming, so you should probably read what they have to say. Warning: it’s very intelligent. One of them said, this is the first thing I’ve said on the matter and it will be the last. That goes for me as well, even though I’m just a simpleton.