Bonekickers Reviews Episode 1

Episode 1 ‘Army of God’ of Bonekickers (the worst British show of the last decade) Reviewed.

Warning. its long. There was so much stupid it took a long time to articulate it.

Bonekickers is owned by the BBC. Everything else is owned by their owners.



  1. As to the rings giving date, if you know that a certain event happened, like a flood or a remarkably long drought, you can narrow down the age of a tree remarkably quickly. However, you have to be certain of the tree’s original geography and at least some kind of general age (which can be found through many different kinds of isotope dating).

    This only makes their dating slightly less absurd, though, as they apparently have none of the qualifiers.

    • interesting, thanks for the info. dunno if it saves that bit of the ep though because they dont know anything about how old it was before he does the ring-testing age thing and only does that test to find out its age.

      ahy other info where i could be wrong please let me know. i love new info.

  2. Ugh. It’s not a good sign for a new series when the main character is: 1) incompetent, and 2) insane. And that was just in the first few minutes! Yikes. Add in some truly inane and obtuse writing and you have a stupid stupid series all around. It might have partially gotten away with being that stupid if it was at least partially entertaining or didn’t try to ground itself in scientific or historical accuracy. Notice I say try, because it utterly failed in both regards.

    It may be beating a dead horse at this point, but I have only recently watched the first few episodes of Bonekickers. It’s like a lobotomized CSI, but without the cleverness or dignity.

    As for your reviewing, I find it fascinating. Not only is it funny and entertaining, but also very educational. History was never my strong point (Canadian history is sooo boring!), and I have learned a lot hearing you point out historical inaccuracies. Great job. Are there any other series that you are going to review in a similar style as Bonekickers?

    • heya. glad you liked the review and found it fun. and im happy to meet someone who managed to survive a few episodes of bonekickers! (we’re a small club of damned souls)

      as for other tv shows, theres my occasional dr who reviews and my direct ‘sequel’ to my bonekickers reviews, the urban gothic reviews. but theres only 1 up so far. but give it time. urban gothics no-where near as bad as bonekickers on average but can be pretty damn bad at times….

    • Oh Canadian History isn’t that bad. We could make Bonekickers: Canada and have Louis Riel’s body discovered in British Columbia to properly compete with the stupid of the UK version.

  3. Yeah, there are databases of comparitive tree rings so that wooden archeological finds can be properly dated. They’re not magically accurate, but they do exsist.

  4. I’m glad I didn’t watch Bonedwickers, Because it looks like it was written by a retarded monkey.

    Oh Matthew Graham wrote it, Now that makes it worse then a retard monkey and more like a lobotomized frog šŸ˜€

  5. Just saying, I like the review. However, I don’t hold quite as much animosity as you for the Magwilde talking to the trench (sitting on the edge of it, no). I know I talk to my computer when I am frustrated, and even talk to my car when I’m driving through snow and it keeps sliding. Anyway, I love all Diamanda reviews, specials, etc.

  6. I will maintain that “Love and Monsters” is the worst episode of Doctor Who. I have yet to watch it more than once. All though “Fear Her” is more boring than stupid, I have watched it more than once. All though I am not sure if it is just love the ship is powered by, the whole drawing thing is pretty stupid. I won’t argue against that.

    • love and monsters is bad. but there was worse.

      • Like the ending for Series 3? It would not have killed John Simm to have played The Master more seriously. I hope Stephen Moffat brings back The Rani. Maybe she will be done with more of the menace I wanted with The Master.

  7. The only thing more ridiculously offensive than Christian nativism in Europe is white Christian nativism here in North America (I say this as a white US citizen). The so-called Christian Right in this country loves to bang on about “illegal immigrants” and “Christian values,” and I’m just thinking; “Hello, do the words ‘invasion’ and ‘genocide’ mean anything to you?”

    • As they’ve never faced either as anything other than words in history books, no, those words hold no meaning for them.

  8. its fucking sad that there are new templer which do what?
    annoy us muslims. and brabble about holy war.

    iĀ“d love to put them together with islamistic terrorist naked into a padded cell. and then wait and ignore until they learn to be fucking damn nice. duh

  9. Three years late review!

    There ARE ways to figure out when something wooden was made. However you need to A) know where it was made B) have trees in that area that are still alive C) be able to connect the rings of the two. And it’s something that isn’t done a lot due to there being able to have a lot of mistakes on the part of the person doing it.


    Yes. That is the part that got to me.

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