Twatty New Who Review- The Beast Below


More Angry than Funny and like a proper twat, Hagan reviews some of the worst adventures in Doctor Who history- this time, THE BEAST BELOW



  1. This and the silurian two parter were the only stories I hated of the last series. It felt like a filler episode after Gaiman’s episode became too expensive.

    • gaiman wrote an ep for s5? i know he’s done one for 6 but i didnt hear anything about 5.

      i didnt HATE the silurian 2 parter. though the design of the silurians really annoyed me.

      • His series 6 script was planned for 5 until they realised it was too expensive, so it was pushed back to 6

      • Ha, strangely enough. The Beast Below is one of the few episodes I like from the Moffat run.

  2. I’ve seen as far as the new Dalek debut because I don’t get BBC America on my cable service. I had some of the same problems that you did (except I thought the Queen was darn cool up until the control room scene) but they acted it well and I like the Doctor/Amy moments so I guess I gave it more of a pass than you did. I still found it flawed, but better than most of Russel T’s offerings. (He actually wrote Nightmare? That actually was a good episode. And then he redid it on an alien desert and it kind of fell flat.)

    And I’m probably the only person who likes the new Daleks from what I can tell. They remind me of the Cushing Daleks, and you have the return of the colored ranking system and voice different enough that you at least know who the slag is speaking. That should only happen with the Alternate Universe Cybermen.

    • yeah the beast below wasnt universally hated (like say fear her) but i figured it was only fair to do a moffat after spending 2 reviews bitching about the rtd era even though he didnt write either of the previous ones. plus, i really didnt like the ep on any level.

      i also dont like the mighty morphin power daleks, they strike me as dalek drag queens. big chesty, brighyl coloured and plasticy with multicoloured eyes. the dalek designs were one thing that i felt rtd got pretty much perfect. they looked like tanks, the newer ones look like dodgems. i will get to victory for the daleks at some point lol

      next, most likely planet of the dead. whenever that happens…

  3. BLASPHEMY! Pertwee was the best doctor ever I just made up my mind that it’s him not tennant.

    • hehe. i like pertwee, just not as much as troughton or colin baker. id love the next doctor to be jon pertwee-ish for a bit of change.

      • yeah I only saw one story arc with pertwee the time warrior one so maybe I can’t judge but he’s still my fave even if he is slightly sexist I also found him to have the most charisma.

  4. Admittedly this and the Dalek episodes are kinda weak, but overall you have to admit that is way better than 90 percent of the stuff RTD crapped out. I don’t know if anyone else felt this way, but Series 5 was the first of the revived series where I liked more episodes than I disliked.

    • Oh yes, series 5 was the strongest one yet. Series 6 was going strong until a good man goes to war managed to be worse than the matthew grahem stuff… how the fuck does stephen moffat get out written by the guy who did bonekickers?! gah

  5. I don’t HATE the Moff’s run exactly… except for the majority of bits of it which I do.

    Watching this episode the first and only time, I was excited and intrigued for a bit; then I wondered why he was ripping off Bioshock; then I got annoyed by the complete bullshitness of everything failing to make any kind of sense at all; and then I got the RAEG at the utter failure of ethics.

    Dr DH: Since you came to TGWTG, I’ve been chasing you all around the internets and finally found your home base. I’m trawling your archive and marvelling at just how good you are at this. You combine various nerd-doms, an independent mind, and a wicked nasty sense of humour, among other things. I like it!

    Please, do carry on.

  6. I definitely agree with you insofar as this episode, but you didn’t like Victory to the Daleks? I loved that one; it brought to mind the old series and Troughton’s first adventure. In both, the Daleks were shown to be capable of manipulation, rather than just using brute-force. They’re cunning, and the parts with the Doctor interacting with the Dalek are great as he desperately tries to get across just how dangerous these things are to people who honestly have never even heard of the Daleks before.

    I also really liked the interaction between the Doctor and Churchill; you really get a sense that they respect each other, even if they know they don’t always see eye-to-eye — honestly, a bit like the Third Doctor and the Brigadier.

    Now there were some pretty goofy things in the episode, admittedly. The idea that a bomb could be defused by the power of love had me rolling my eyes, as did the Spitfires in orbit. Really, I think the story would’ve worked better if the Daleks didn’t care about Earth at all and just wanted the Doctor’s seal of approval and leave. Why bother with the bomb? Just have the RoboProfessor auto shut down. You could still have the power of love thing, only rather than shutting down a bomb, it’s to save the character’s life, which would have been a bit more dramatic, I think. Not EVERY problem needs to have the world threatened, sometimes just a character we’ve come to know over the course of an episode matters.

    The Skittles Daleks I’m pretty neutral on, honestly. I do think they’re a bit too tall and fat (they just conquered stairs, now they’re going to have problems with getting through doors?), but the color coding is actually rather intriguing. I can totally see a rigid hierarchy like the Daleks adopting such a scheme with each sub tree of the command structure adopting a “uniform” color that denotes their position within that hierarchy.

    So, yeah. I liked Victory. That is all.

    • your allowed to be wrong (:p) im planning on reviewing victory. it might be the next twatty who… im not sure. i feel its terrible but its a mix of good ideas and terrible execution rather than like fear her which was terrible all over.

  7. Matt smith might be my favorite of the new who series. Because he fucks things up. He is actually fallible. He was the catalyst in creating a “new dalek paragim”, failed to create a alliance with the sulrilians and humans, had his tardis explode, got caught in the pandorica trap (and only escaped through wibbley wobbly timey whimey) failed to protect amy from being kidnapped and replaced and failed to recover melody pond at demons run.

  8. I almost instantly thought of an alternative to torturing the Star Whale, to letting it kill everyone as it broke free, or to rendering it brain dead: “Why doesn’t someone just talk to the Star Whale and ask it what IT wants to do?”And, if it wants to burst free of its starship prison (and I wouldn’t blame it if that was the case), then asking it to please get the people of Starship UK to another starship or to a planet that would support human life first. I was a bit surprised at the Doctor for not thinking of asking the Star Whale to share its opinion, as he knew it was an intelligent creature and he’s always been one for talking to people before deciding anything.

    Also…if the Star Whale has NEVER hurt or eaten children in three hundred years, and if Hawthorne, the guy in charge of the Smilers and hence in charge of the Whale, has noticed this fact–then why does little Timmy get taken to Floor Zero after failing a test and trying to take an elevator to London? All right, the opening sets up Starship UK as a terrible place, a police state in which anyone can be sent Below for the smallest infraction. But the reason for taking Timmy to the Beast–as food for the Star Whale–is established in the end as entirely pointless, because the Star Whale will not eat children. Has never eaten children. And Hawthorne knows this, for he tells this to Liz 10 and the Doctor.

    So why do it? If the reason the Whale-Keepers are sending children to the Whale is not working and they KNOW it’s not working, WHY DO IT? Is this really the only way that Starship UK can grab kids and enslave them to work in the Tower of London? (Because we see Timmy in the end in the Tower as a blank-faced slave of the Whale…though the blankness may be an effect of trauma. Understandably, I think.) Do the Smilers believe that they need to enslave children? Why do they think this?

    Honestly, it looks to me as if Timmy disappeared solely to upset Mandy, which would get the Doctor involved and which would allow Amy to draw a couple of key parallels in the end.

  9. Ah! Worst episodes back to back in NuWho since the fart things, how about the Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the daleks story? That is a RIPOFF of the Troughton Story Evil of the Daleks. Now that was really really horrible. Daleks not being scary at all plus a story rip off is just plain bad.

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