Diamanda Hagan Review- 03 01 Schizophreniac the Whore Mangler

Hagan is back. And its time for some late 90’s exploitation!

Schizophreniac the Whore Mangler is owned by Cut Throat Entertainment.

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19 Comments

  1. I have learned many things today.

    1: Don’t cross the Hagan
    2: When you’re having phone sex and a murderous maniac storms your house, do take the time to hang up politely.
    3: Don’t cross the Hagan
    4: Heroin makes crazy people functional
    5: Don’t cross the Hagan
    6: Creepy puppets make terrible gifts. Reactions will be in accordance with this fact.
    7: Don’t cross the Hagan
    8: Making a horror movie about an post-mortem anal rapist is a terrible way to show off your body
    9: Don’t cross the Hagan
    10: I am making this list way too long
    11: Don’t cross the Hagan.

    • heheh, i like that list. but not enough dont cross the hagan 🙂

    • Also, prostitutes are made of polystyrene.

  2. Once again, sorry for the amount of comments. Couldn’t help myself, there were so many things I wanted to comment on. 🙂 😛

    Minion health care is a lot like american health care. 😛 Wait that’s not funny that’s sad.

    That minion with the “of course” shirt towards the beginning has green hair…just like Hagan has green hair. It’s like their the same person…mmmmmm. 😛

    That coat Hagan has on is very pimpin’ or whatever word the young people use to describe “cool”. 😛

    How the fuck does someone get arrested for being naked in their own house? “Land of the free” my ass. 😛

    I love how the calm the woman is when the killer breaks in her house. “Let me call you back, okay?” The proper reaction would have been “who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you in my house?” with a call to the police or somethig. 😛

    Ron Atkins should have given himself more credits, being credited with everyother job on the film just doesn’t convince me of the largeness of his role with making this film. 😛

    What if the composer only had one finger? You’ll feel really bad about that joke if that turns out to be true. 😛

    Always love how bored Hagan sounds when she says “hail me”. 😛

    Good for aleister for not saying “whore”. saying “suck my dick” is one thing but “whore” that just crosses the fucking line where good and bad taste meet. 😛

    The killer in this really looks like Pee-Wee Herman, especially during the “getting caught jacking off in public” years. 😛

    That was the worst fake head every in the history of fake heads.

    when that guy “throws up” you can see the can of soup in the shot. lol. good suckage indeed. 😛

    Yay for a movie finally getting castration right! 😛

    did you make the street fighter thing where their turned into a cock and a rat? if so, good job, very well done and made.

    someone bringing a baby into a porn theater has to be one of the more fucked ideas i’ve ever seen in a film. i’m happy the film didn’t explain that one.

    that porn theater looks like someone’s private theater like a slightly-upper class person would have in their house. you can even see the non-film projector (like the ones people buy to projector in their houses) for a couple seconds when Harry is beating that guy with his gun.

    was the “nudity minion” clip something you filmed or was it something from the movie? 😛

    There were so many jokes I liked, instead of commenting on each one I’ll just list them. 😛
    My favorite jokes:
    – the part with the “it was worth it” minion. that line was delivered perfectly.
    – the “fucking around with the aspect ratio” part.
    – the “saved by the bell” theme playing over the credits.
    – the “minion who’s clearly in a different part of the compound” joke.
    – the aleister audition. there should be more of those.
    – Hagan acting like she’s playing the one finger keyboard when the doctor is killed.
    – the “i’m an actor not a good…” part. (People have probably already said this but you’re really good at voices.)
    – the part where Hagan can’t stop laugh is really funny but also really disturbing. 😛
    – making fun of the “i’m wanna to fuck you miss parker” scene. i thought the taint would be the last we’d see of Hagan-tongue action but apprently i was wrong. 😛
    – “eww cock” was a pretty good reaction to seeing the cut off cock. if i were a lesbian “eww cock” would probably my reaction to cock too. 😛
    – the Silence of the Lamb dub, again you’re very good at voices.

    • i am amazed that you found the review so interesting you had so much to write about. its humbling really. thanks so much

    • i forgot to answer this befor ebut the nudity minion was a real part of the film. the naked, black ghooded figure runs past and then right at the camera, takes the mask off and its harry again… i just had to use that footage heh

  3. Wow, I think this might be my new favourite Hagan review of all time. It was nearly perfect. Practically every single joke made me laugh my ass off. Superb work.

    On a side note, I think Hagan looks awesome with green hair. Good choice.

  4. Just finished watching the whole review (my laptop kept glitching)- really funny stuff- really liked all the silence of the lambs gags.

  5. the main character of this movie really really reminds me of
    Pilz-e the Squirrel from Neurotically Yours? its just kinda weird.

    and am i the only one that finds it weird that you used the original “I Touch Myself.”
    rather then the Genitorturers version? i mean i guess the argument could be made this movies isn’t worth that version…

  6. Have you ever seen Jeepers Creepers? In that, Justin Long is legitimately urinating on film. Just mentioning it. However, this is my favorite Hagan review followed closely by Starrbooty.

  7. This movie makes me wonder, why I decided against becoming a film maker, I could do better scripting, directing, and using special effects even if I shoot on shit-e-o…

    I love you Mistress Hagan, on my knees in worship of your greatness. You are a marvel of a woman. I am bi-curious and have only found four women that truly attract me, you Mistress are one of only four!

    I do love the running gag of the proper castration technique. In fact I think I’ll use it in the book I’m writing. It’s just the perfect extra something to have one of my baddies do!

  8. This was the second video we ever saw you review and it was so bizzare that we tried to find it, to no avail. However we DID come upon the sequel to this flick, Necromaniac: Schizophreniac 2. Not only did the scene with Jesus totally deviler, but so did the Epic soundtrack, once again done by the Director/ Producer/ Jesus.

    But Now we must beg you, will you please please please review the sequel? We have been waiting patiently hoping you would get to it, but I find we just keep coming back to this, our favorite video, wondering if we will get answers to our questions. Like, when compared, which of the two schizophreniac movies displays more of the lead’s penis? And don’t you just LOVE the prostitutes?! They show such class!

    Anywho, please consider Necromaniac for one of your next reviews!
    And if you know where we can get a copy of the first one, let us know!

    • Dont worry. In series 4 Im reviewing Necromaniac 🙂 (and I hope its worth it!)

      I got both in a double dvd set on amazon. Its on .com and .co.uk

      Hope that helped!

  9. Best, Review. Ever.

    Hell, someone had to say it 😛

    • Yes. Some has to be wrong:p

      Worst, Review. Ever.

      lol. thanks for the kind words.

  10. Hahah, Coughlan. Only thing that was missing was him lighting a cigarette mid-video.

  11. what the fuck? serious. this is-if you count out strange jihadi dumb asses who try to trick a bad bloodthirsty Salman.rushidie imposer and his clones out-the most fucked up think i saw (okay, some stuff by insex is/was pretty fucked up too. especially after i found out that this special person who made insex seems to have got a problem with his relationship to money :/). and well, funny. the head who was very styro-ish.

    duh. need to smoke and well go to bed. actally was successful in avoiding earning microbiology. :/ need someone who..motivates me &kills my incompetent prof (he is so damn bad at teaching thins. i love microbiology but if he gets on i might try to kill him. 75 pages in one single lecture-that is exact…guh 1/2 minutes per one page.. isnt a very good pace for this :/


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