Twatty Who Reviews – Voyage of the Damned


Like a proper twat, Hagan reviews some of the worst adventures in Doctor Who history- this time, Voyage of the Damned.



  1. neet
    any chance you will be razing torch torchwood miracle day and whats your thought of it i thought it interesting then they killed one of the mains last episode and i reased how hard its trying to be dark and how stupid it is over all

  2. What are your though on Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor? Do you like him or not?

    • he’s nearly a non event for me. its like he doesnt exist. th only reason i remember him is because he’s so not doctor-y. he’s ;like the dr on an extended holiday from himself.

      ill get to something starring him one day and unload my feelings….

  3. So, in short, Clive Swift is awesome in this and I’m guessing that Bernard Cribbins was the best part of The End of Time?
    Do you remember the Monty Python sketch about the mattress store? Mr. Verity and Mr. Lambert. Haha!
    And Adam Adamant is a source of embarrassment for me. When I first heard of the show and didn’t really know that much about it, I though that ADAM ANT was the main star in it. It only clicked when I was watching an episode of The Equalizer with Adam Ant when I realized that he was either a Time Lord or he was WAY too young too have been in Adam Adamant!

  4. What are your thoughts on the finale of Classic Who, Survival? And would you have liked the show to have gone on and continued with the Cartmel Masterplan?

    • i woulda liked the mccoy reign to go on. it was good in its later days. better than who since tom baker i think

  5. Wow, you found things wrong with this episode that I didn’t notice, but then I was too busy complaining that Russel T. was screwing up a Christmas episode. Again. This time by making a disaster picture.

  6. Awesome review Diamanda, it’s nice to hear my own thoughts repeated violently back at me on a subject like this :D. The stuff about the sonic screwdriver espically struck a note with me. Bad sci-fi writing always needs calling up!

    Caught 5 mins of miracle day and found it hilarious that:
    A.) Most laptops run of fuel cells now.
    B.) You can tip the contents of the fuel cell out into a vessel easily.
    C.) Degreaser is used on moving parts!

  7. Galaxy Quest & X-Bomber reference! I think I just had an orgasm…

    Miniature Darth Maul anyone?

  8. Wow glad I found this. Definitely amusing and pointing out many of the problems I found with the episode (especially the flying/not flying angels). Oh, and if the whole super magnet thing happened, the bigger thing to worry about than metallic meteor would be satellites, the ISS, and a butt load of space debris. Would love to see you do Torchwood, but that would probably drive you insane.

  9. 1)Do you ever read your comments on Reviewtopia?

    2)Are you no longer uploading at TGWTG?

    • 1, yup

      2, my next one on tgwtg is the raspberry reich. i need to sort a couple things out before i can get the weekly or so uploads that id like.

  10. What was the clip with the guy screaming “BULLSHIT!!!!!” from?

    • The Return of Captain Invincable. An Australian Comedy/ Superhero film from the 80’s with songs by Richard O’Brian!

  11. “Also, WHY is Max here?”

    Ooh! I’ve got one!

    Maybe Max wanted to watch the catastrophe like a proper villain, but couldn’t watch it remotely because it would be too risky. If he did, someone could track it, realize he shouldn’t be watching footage of a failing ship he shouldn’t have anything to do with any more, and upon investigation discover the plan and mess it up and/or arrest him!

    …Or maybe it’s just a case of terrible writing.

  12. I assure you, the worst Dr. Who episode for me is “The Next Doctor”

    Cyberman: OK, We’ve escaped the Void and stolen Dalek tech, God knows how since they kicked our arses last time we met, so what do we so now?

    Cyber man: Well, we’re in the Victorian Era and we have the tech to control minds- maybe we can control the poor and convert them? There’s lots of poor people about, after all, and it worked for Lumic. As long as we don’t put our transmitter on a big zepplin, we should be OK.

    Cyberman 1: Nah, let’s build a GIANT robot! With a big, pointless spiky ball in the factory! Hahahaha! we will CRUSH all opposition!

    Cyberman 2:…..

    • gonna have to disagree, the worst episode of new who is fear her. its so bad that i dont think my tiny review did it anything resembling justice. maybe as a special twatty who review i’ll go back and re-review it.

      but yeah the next doctor is shit too. its on my list to review. probly sooner than later.

      • At least “spaceship powered by love” hasn’t been done a million times like “build giant robot” (what is this, a 50s B-movie?), though that’s likely because of how stupid the idea is.

      • I actually found the giant robot awesome. What bugs me is we have a “Christmas” story where a boy’s mother is murdered by the Cybermen and nobody seems to care, including her husband (even after his mind is restored) and son.

      • Oh, and thanks for the reply.

  13. “A bit like having Rimmer as a companion.”

    Oh let the crossover fanfic begin!

    The Doctor’s age thing is one of the most annoying things about continuity in new who. Though it’s probably just as bad as when the Third Doctor claimed to be ‘several thousand’ years old. Either the Third Doctor was the only one who was honest about his age or he just loved to puff his chest out and make himself look important….oh wait.

    In regards to the reaction of the group of people at hearing the Doctor announce who he was, I much preferred the version done in Midnight where they basically told him to fuck off and nearly killed him.

    Also, interested to know, what are your thoughts on River Song? And her being the Doctor’s wife?

    • yeah the 2rd doctor thing is why I said the drs age continuity was pretty much in line in the classic show. damn you pertwee, messing it up:p

      on river. I hate the idea of the Dr doing love/ sex/ marriage. and I fluctuate between being amused and hating her. Im glad shes not another teenager though.

    • Romana did claim that the Doctor liked to lie about his age. That’s the closest thing to a pass they get from me.

  14. I have to ask, where did the bullshit song near the end of the review come from? It made me so happy (much happier than “Voyage of the Damned” did when I first watched it).

    • thats from the movie ‘the return of captain invicable’ an australian superhero movie.

  15. These reviews seem really good, even coming from a fan of Doctor Who, both new and classic. Can I just ask, what’s your opinion on the show altogether? Classic and new.

  16. Funnily enough, this entire episode was completely ripped off a video game created by Douglas Adams and a subsequent novel written by Terry Jones. It was called Starship Titanic, and it involved destroying said Starship Titanic for an insurance scam. Russell T. Davies can’t even be original when he’s being completely shit.

    • You mean the guy who took an entire novel, and had it rewritten by the original author with HIS Doctor and forced love interest did something unoriginal? (The difference being the aforementioned was a good ep, while the reviewed was another “let’s make Christmas evil” story.)

  17. I wish you had used Mr. Copper from his more popular UK show “Keeping up with appearances” as Richard Married to Hyacinch Bucket! Scenes from that with the Emo 10th would have been brilliant!

  18. This is actually one of probably just 4 episodes that I enjoy from the Tennant era. Granted, I hated it when I first saw it, but the 2nd time I enjoyed myself, and I don’t even like the type of films it’s borrowing from. And that speech the Doctor gives is kind of funny with the “And, coming in a very low four. Or D. Or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes” Just my opinion

  19. The Bullshit montage is one of my favorite moments of yours period. And I’m guessing you don’t like Mel much, then? Actually, I wouldn’t mind hearing some more of your thoughts on the classic companions.

  20. A minor defense of the screwdriver making the champaign bottle explode: to be fair, sound waves can break glass (just look at any opera singer who can break wine glasses with her voice). And, of course, champaign is carbonated. So, it’s possible the screwdriver could use sound waves to shake up the bottle enough to make the carbonation pop the cork. That’s also my explanation for how it opens locks: it throws sound waves at them until the springs jiggle loose.

    Aside from that, the sonic screwdriver’s magical abilities don’t bother me. Because it’s not an actual screwdriver. Maybe it was at first, but by now, it’s clearly been upgraded into an electronic Swiss Army Knife tricorder. The name is purely symbolic or sentimental or something, like naming a gun Vera.

    • I think the “tricorder” part is what bothers me. It has no way to relay information (although I think I read that the current model has a mental link with the Doctor which is why there are no settings–I still don’t get why those things pop up except to look cool) so how does he use it to scan anything. Sometimes what it does make sense but especially in New Who its abilities seem to reach far for the design of the little multi-tool.

      • You said it yourself – it looks cool. The Rule of Cool is king. At least they have the common courtesy to make their nonsensical gibberish look cool. 🙂 As stupid as it is now, how much worse would it be if it didn’t look cool?

        And that mental link theory makes sense to me. The screwdriver is created by the Tardis, after all.

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