Special Review- Apocalypse 4: Judgement

Hagan watches some truly awful Rapture Movies. Part 4 of the Apocalypse Quadrilogy.



  1. Aaaah, what a ride it is that is coming to an end with these raging rapture ramblings. I’m not quite sure how anyone can make it through these things with their sanity (relatively intact), but I salute you for doing so.

    While the use of cameos in this one is magnificent, the Laywer minion is my favorite gag in this episode, and since I can’t quite say way, I’ll have to with “timing”.

    And the preview of season 4 gave me this nice, warm glow mixed with dawning horror considering the movies that are to be reviewed…

  2. An interesting run with reviews Mistress. But i do have to ask, why Chopping Mall? It’s a good cult classic full of silliness.

    • just feels like a hagan review. plus it was meant to be in s2 and then 3. i finally got round to it

      • I see. But we shall be watching and if the citizens of TopHatistan are not pleased i will have to take out some minions and force several of my island slaves to perform menial tasks and be the guinea pigs for my science divisions latest Death Mech.

  3. Yayyy!! Series 4 is coming!
    That movie wasn’t the epic I hoped it would be, but the review was. But I’m gonna play devil’s advocate (boo, hiss) and say there’s a part of me that’s really glad these movies were made. It’s hard to explain, but it’s fun to think that these these people are examining their beliefs by making them, even though it’s just an illusion. And I’ve seen worse things to base a thriller on. Oh and I loved the appearance by Jesus. Hail Hagan

  4. So Nash is the Messiah? That explains a lot…

  5. Another great review- I fully understand the need for variety but I highly enjoyed this quadrology of reviews. As for the films… it’s hard to believe they got worse considering how bad the first one was but… yeah. I enjoyed the cameos and the many star trek references. And thanks for the recommendations on good or enjoyably bad movies- I did love what I saw of Pier Paolo Pasolini’s the gospel of saint matthew.

  6. How come your religion seems saner then the one in these movies? They apparently believe Satanist and Atheist are the same thing.

    Also Nash made a great god, did you pick him just for his hair are is there another reason you’re not telling us

  7. Damn good review Mistress.
    Always good to see Corbin Bernen. Though I can only assume he was better as the fun lovin killer dentist in, well, ‘The Dentist’ and as Sean’s dad in ‘Psych’ (awesome show btw, check it out).
    It’s hard to believe they got Mr. T in this movie. If they were smart they’d have T get in the ring with Lucifer and have him knock the rapture right out of him. Paaaiiinn. I’m circumcised. Ask me how. haha awesome line.
    Can’t wait for the 4th series. Looks totally wicked even if I’ve only heard of ‘Chopping Mall’. The rest look crazy, so looking forward to it. If a 5th Apocalypse film comes out, you gotta review it to make some kind of sense out of this crap. Though strangely, I now sorta wanna watch them. What have you done to me?

  8. The Chopping Mall!!

    I love that movie! It’s pure 80s Slasher cheese with the added awesomeness of robots! Whose design, while really impractical (six arms, really?), is still fucking great.

    I almost feel bad that you’re going to eviserate it.


  9. Love your take on this, especially with the Star Trek references (Cardassian legal system, “It’s a FAAAAAKE”/”It’s REAL!” video).

    I will, nitpick, though, that during the Antichrist in his penthouse scene, he does pretty clearly imply that he is fully aware that Corbin Bernsen’s mark is fake (“…certain other little secrets?” while gesturing at his hand).

    Still love your review, I like how you do things even if it’s different from my own approach. And no, I don’t mean the fact I only do text-based stuff because I’m camera-shy.

    • I musta missed that. it gets rid of the antichrist is an idiot problem and creates a the anitchist doesn’t care problem…

      Heh. I took so long to make my show because I didnt want to be in front of the camera.

      • Yeah, I’ve always held that the antichrist is always lazy in all the Rapture movies. I’d love to write a book sometimes about a reluctant antichrist someday. Some guy who is told “You’re gonna be the antichrist either way, no matter what.” And just tries to screw it up and half-ass it.

        Someday I might have to get in front of the camera and rant about movies, though I may go the other way and review GOOD movies and talk about why they work as opposed to why others don’t.

  10. (Dam, posted my comment on the wrong page at first)

    I was wondering:

    Isn’t the devil saving all the people who don’t wear a mark?

    He admits that he is the Devil/Lucifer/Antichrist. As you pointed out, that is a proof for gods existence, since the devil by definition is his counterpart.
    Therefore, by believing in Lucifers words, everyone has to accept the existence of god/Jesus christ/Holy Spirit in this movie. Since believing in them basically means to be christian, they’ll all be saved!

    • Technically they have to “confess,” that they are Christian. Knowing that God exists does not necessarily a Christian make.

      Also, I’m pretty sure that Satan works for God. Since God is inherently all-powerful, there is no way anything could launch an attack. Furthermore, if you look in the first book of Job you will notice that the relationship between God and Satan is very cordial. This idea is not very accsepted, because it screws with the Good-Evil Duality that is ingrained in our society would not accsept that God is both good and evil.

  11. “The Mission,” is a good movie about Christianity as well.

    • never seen. whats it about?

      • Two Jesuit priests start a mission in the South American jungle and try to save the natives from enslavement by the colonial forces. Stars Robert de Niro and Jeremy Irons and tackles issues of violence and pacifism in the face of oppression.

    • Jesus Christ Superstar is also pretty good.

  12. After watching a Christian movie (or a review of a Christian movie) where the Devil/Antichrist is fucking up the world and God just sits back and tells humanity to take it like a bitch and love him or it will get worse, I always want Thor to show up out of nowhere and smite the Devil/Antichrist with Mjolnir, leaving all the Christian heroes with their mouths hanging open with shock. Good series of reviews by the way.

  13. I am not agrees with the moment, when christian did a tattoo on the right hand to buy products and the weapon.

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