Twatty New Who Review- The End of Time Ep1



Like a proper twat Hagan rants about some of the worst stories in Doctor Who history. This time- End of Time Ep1.



  1. I’d just like to say before I watch you tear into this piece of garb- Actually, that is an unfair comparison. Garbage is at least worth something. There are a lot of Doctor Who stories that I don’t particularly like, but usually it’s met with confusion or boredom. Not so much here.

    The End of Time and Daleks in Manhatten are the only two to ever make me noticably angry. I don’t know who John Simm was playing as, but that’s not The Master. I choose to call him Mino (Master in name only) because I believe Eric Roberts as The Master more than Simm’s. Then again, I’d believe the moon was taking tapdancing lessons before I’d buy that this was The Master.

    I’ve been hoping you would tear into this some day, because it deserves every single bad thing you could say about it. Thank you.

  2. Those were some great points, and it seems we’re very much on the same general line of thought regarding what makes this story so terrible.

    The cult was almost superfluous. Their one single purpose in the story was to bring Mino back to life, and then they were written out so that they could have no further impact on events. Though I do have fun imagining what would’ve happened if Lucy had been eating a chicken dinner right before they brought her back, and that somehow mingled with Mino’s “essence”.

    Meanwhile, there’s a rich man called Naismith that is played up as hugely important to the plot which can be summarised as “he gives the plot device to The Master.” His role in the story is so small that once the Higgs Boson is found, the LHC will be used to try and locate the point that Naismith had here. I doubt their success but wish them luck.

    Believe it or not those two points were connected. They were both plot points that existed for a single purpose that were then completely discarded. Wouldn’t it be better if the cult/prison thing was completely cut out, and Naismith had used the immortality gate to bring Mino back? I mean, think about it. By doing that the potential of the plot device is introduced to the audience, foreshadowing the (still stupid) event later on in the story in a much more effective manner. It’s a more efficient way to set events in motion that would’ve also removed various problems in the first half of the first episode. It wouldn’t have made it great but I’ll take any improvement.

    Oh, and I did find it quite hilarious that you mentioned Logopolis considering what happened towards the end of the second episode, with the chandelier. You should definitely compare those two falls when you get there.

    I just realised. At the rate you’re getting through this, the overall End of Time review is likely to last as long as a four part classic. Then again it is just that bad. Looking forward to the next part, great work.

    • The next two are written and will most likely be longer than these two. Probly working on it in a week or 2. On Monday SEXTETTE!

  3. Wow, you really laid into this one! Even behind script and character, it’s easy to see how angry this episode made you. But then again, it’s not hard to see why – If this kind of writing (Adjusted for era etc.) had always been the standard for Who, the show would never have become the pop culture institution that it is now… and a prolonged run of episodes exactly as bad as this could easily have ended it. So I salute and welcome this oncoming storm (harf) of rage!

    Onward to part 2… of part 1!

    • Oh, part 2 of part 1 is in the same post. That makes commenting a little awkward now.

      Anyway, I feel that you did ramp up the gags in the second part, making it the superior one. I think I see what you did there with those flashes… Meaningless foreshadowing in the style of the episode, right? Kinda subtle. I like it! Also, I loved that you didn’t just use an Aphex Twin song, but also followed it up with an even more obscure work of the guy.

      Looking forward to the next installment quite a lot!

      • Not sure what you’re talking about about the flashes.. could you give some more details?

        As for when the next ones up in 2 weeks at earliest.

      • Hm, for some reason, the reply button isn’t coming up in your reply, so I’ll reply to my reply, instead. I meant the TV static bits that start at 6:55. Maybe I misunderstood them, then?

      • Actually the idea behind that was I was so angry I ranted for son long that I lapped the review. I ranted for the rest of the story and then during a second viewing when I got the same point.

      • Oooooooooh. That was a tad too clever for me, I’m afraid. You have a way of thinking in complex abstracts.

  4. I like your view on the fluid Who Canon. My personal canon is the series, the Virgin books and Big Finish audios, but I did love the scene in one of the Eighth Doctor books that stated that all stories and adventures are canon, including the ones that directly contradict each other, right down to the Doctor having three Ninth Incarnations.
    I haven’t watched this story since it was originally on, I’m both glad and sad to see my memory hasn’t failed and it was indeed as bad as I remember it being!

  5. Ten is my least favorite Doctor, partly because he followed Nine who was my first and still favorite, and partly because he got some bad fucking episodes, and what looks to be the worst Swan Song of any Doctor I’ve seen. This two parter has the Doctor fighting both the Master and (in a roundabout sort of way) Rassilon, shows the most Timelords the show ever has since its return, and is the final episode for Tennant…and they turned it into this?! Someone could have taken that last sentence I wrote, thrown in a side plot during which the Doctor and the Master fuck each other, and posted it on without spell checking and it still would have turned out better than this.
    This review was well worth the wait, and I can’t wait for the next part. I really loved how you went all out with your hatred for this one even from the opening line. Great job!
    Also, just wondering, are you and Nash planning on doing a crossover on something Doctor Who?

  6. Now I don’t mean to be a spammer, but I did a written review of this aaaaaaaaaaages ago, if you want to check it out here:

    At the time, I wasn’t too against Part 1, I was more hating on Part 2, but after watching your review, I’m tempted to watch it again to check out the problems. But then I’d have to watch The End of Time again, and fuck that.

  7. Excuse me ms. Hagan but I have a few questions about your personal canon, I am a relatively new fan of Who so I might get a few details wrong

    First off how do you explain the fact the Third Doctor more then once told stories about his childhood, and in Planet Of The Spiders (which I am currently watching) we even meet his boyhood guru The Hermit (aka K’anpo Rimpoche). Do you have an expanatin or just consider this discontinuity.

    Anouther has to do with Atlantis I have heard from several people that there are three different explanations for how it was destroyed however only one was ever given was The Master did it by releasing Kronos. Later Azela makes a reference to it being destroyed but never said he or his people did it( I have also hearded there is a second doctor story that I have not sceen ware he visits an atlantian outpost. How are these contradictory.

    Finally do you consider the Eight Doctor Adventures canon, from what I have read of them they seem much better then the seventh doctors books which I know you’re a fan of.

    • Hi. For the tales of childhood I’m fine with them. I take the loom idea so Gallifreyans are created as physically adult but they still have a period of childhood (they are just adult by human standards in body) Childhood simply has a slightly different meaning in their culture than ours.

      As for Atlantis theres a slight but accurate description of the issue here-

      Yeah 8 is canon. All the main 11 are, you’d have to do some mental gymnastics to not accept any of them! I’m not a fan of 8 but he had some good stories in the audios. Overall I much prefer 7 than 8.

  8. The thing that bothers me the most about the new Doctor Who is how it constantly has to remind the audience how awesome the doctor is and how he is the most badass thing to ever happen ever. This is something Steven Moffat is particularly guilty of. Nothing annoys me more than lines like “I promised you the equivalent of an army.” or “I hate wizards in stories. They always turn out to be him.” It just annoys me that we have to constantly be reminded that the doctor is so awesome.

    • Amen to that! Moffet constantly tells rather than shows on DW. It drives me up the wall. He and his team don’t foul up like that writing for Sherlock, so why is it a problem on DW?

  9. Hagan, I adore your reviews! I really, truly do and I should have commented a long time ago, I just have to ask;

    How… How can you actually watch this? I’m studying film in Reading right now, and just watching this review (not even the EPISODE, mind you, just your review) I had a (totally not joking) mini-existensial crisis. Because what is the fucking point when this is Britain’s flagship series. Pride of the Nation. Is this. Is Doctor Who.

    I am so fucking depressed. Keep up the great work!

    • Wellll its not easy. But I’m helped along because my self of self worth is reliant on Blip numbers:p

      I just love Doctor Who and really dislike some of the eps of the new show.

      • Haha s’coo. Just because I got your attention, I’d like to say I love your choice of music, too. It just gels so well – there’s something about “Horses” that just works so well with clips from Adam Adament. Patti Smith has a new record out too! Crazy.

  10. One thing I’ve always wanted to ask you about your personal canon, and it’s one thing that Stephen Moffat has hinted at. I’ve always held the impression that the uncertainty over the Doctor’s age exists because he’s lying… and yet not. It’s a sign he’s starting to feel old and, him having access to all of space and time he has a trillion definitions for what a ‘year’ can be. It might be justifying a continuity error with head-canon but I like to think it’s an inversion of human-centrism. Fat chance under RTD but Stephen Moffat at least seems to be headed the right way with this one.

    Also, whilst Looms are a fairly neat idea does it necessarily preclude sexuality? In a society that has conquered time and space super-normal stimulation comes full circle to art and drama. If you don’t need to eat to survive or sate hunger the culinary arts will explode in to new creative experiences and the same could easily be said of sexuality, which becomes even more wonderfully unnecessary and can thus evolve and grow culturally in to much more unusual, exciting areas we just wouldn’t get as humans. I’ve always thought the ideas might well be married, and what with the presence of House Paradox, however you might feel about them, there are stranger things on Gallifrey and Kasterborous than expressed in my cliches.

    Of course this is hard to express as an idea in a family show but should be, in part, fair game for some of the more interesting expanded universe ideas. They briefly hinted they might have a vague look in that direction when captain Jack first arrived on to the scene but then Omnisexual became ‘promiscuous gay/bi man’ and came full circle to tired stereotyping.

    As a final thought – even if we accept the Doctor is a non-sexual being there must be billions of species’ out there that see sexuality as art and the Doctor has been known to indulge in ‘art collection’, so somewhere on the TARDIS there is almost certainly a massive stash of erotica, sex toys and stimulants.

  11. Ah, well Seven’s shot in Greatest Show is even more impressive when you consider he was literally on fire!

  12. Out of curiosity. Are there episodes of New Who that you like or do you just hate all of it but blink and midnight?

    • One of the things I’m planning on doing at some point is a list of New Who eps I don’t hate.

  13. I like this review show but i have to say before watching this i really liked the end of time and the master as a whole. I come at this from a new who only fan and bar the end i found the pacing to be good. i knew nothign about the timelord/ master and i enjoyed John Simm’s master and whole arc or martha in general so for me this was a good send off.

    But i reckon you’ll point out some of the things i disliked about tennat as ecleston was my doctor .

  14. Great review, the only thing I liked about this story was Timothy Dalton as Rassilon. His acting was awesome. The one thing I particularily hated was the Mysterious Woman. I can’t stand characters like that, they’re just excuses for lazy writers to provide exposition. She should have been fleshed out or cut from the script.

    On my personal canon, I like the audio dramas, which had Gallifrey being destroyed in a far more strange and interesting way than a fight with Daleks. Though I also like the Faction Paradox spin-offs, which use Lungbarrow’s Looms, and do a good job of portraying a Time War and the evolutions it would cause to Gallifrey’s technology and culture.

  15. Dear Mistress,

    (Warning: some spoilers for the classic and new series)

    I just finished watching both installments of this review, and I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I’ll admit I did enjoy both parts of “The End of Time” because (a) I enjoyed the hammy enthusiasm of it, (b) it marked the departure of the damn-near insufferable Ten and (c) a few moments between the Doctor and Wilf actually moved me. Nevertheless, I remember thinking as I watched this that RTD wrote the majority of this when he was three years old. Both he and Moffet have been fans since childhood, and I wonder sometimes if that isn’t a disadvantage in that they have the power to do what they wanted to do with the character as kids and fail to examine those ideas from an adult’s perspective.

    I find your comparisons between this story and “Logopolis” spot on. When you look at “Logopolis” and pretty much all of Five’s time during the original series, it becomes quite clear, at least to me, that the Doctor and his friends suffered far more during those years than at any time during the new series, yet Four, Five and the underrated Nyssa held themselves with such grace during all that. Ten and Eleven whine about sacrificing Gallifrey, a planet largely composed of people who used him and had no problem throwing him under the bus if it was in their interests to do so. Four and Five… well, I don’t want to put too many spoilers out there, but go look at seasons eighteen through twenty-one and then ask yourself what’s worse: losing the Time Lords and having your friends leave you to go on to have happy lives with their spouses, or the events of “Logopolis,” “Castrovalva,” “Kinda,” “Earthshock,” “Snakedance” and “Ressurection of the Daleks.” Yeah, many of those stories are just as hated as this one by many fans, and I respect everybody’s opinions of them. I also left off “Caves” because it’s been a long time since I watched it and don’t know if it fits here. My point is that what happens in those episodes hurt, or at least should hurt, the audience as much as they do the Doctor and his friends because, unlike with the Time Lords, the people who suffer in the above stories are actually sympathetic, and much of what happens affects companions directly. However, rather than go all emo like Ten, Four and Five, like you say, stay calm, save the day and move on. I’d actually argue that in one case, one that long-time Whovians will figure out pretty quickly even though not all of them will agree that this moment was particularly tragic because of audience reaction as opposed to in-universe significance, the Doctor and his friends moved on a little too well, thus cheating us out of what could have been a really moving story about coming to terms with personal loss in favor of some nonsense with a really fast airplane. Then there’s Nyssa. God bless Nyssa! I wish I could stay that cool when my world’s falling apart! Ten could learn so much from her!

    Whoo! That was long. Thank you, Mistress, for making me laugh when I’ve been feeling crummy. Keep it up. I can’t wait for the second half of this.

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