Twatty New Who Review- The End of Time Ep2



Like a proper twat Hagan rants about some of the worst stories in Doctor Who history. This time- End of Time Ep2



  1. This *fucking* episode. I ran an entire 6 month weekly RPG campaign based on a story that fixed all the bullshit RTD created. You picked on so many of the points that bothered me too here.

    Rassilon’s character derailment was so atrocious my fan canon is that he’s been replaced by Nyarlathotep. Well within Nyarly’s M.O. and why else lead your people to destruction? Essentially powers bigger than the Time-Lords thought they were getting above themselves and engineered the Time War with the Daleks to lead them to delightful self-destruction, as an Icarus-style example to all lesser species. The story kinda worked too…

    Still, your review was entertaining in the home-stretch. In part 3 you sounded a little tired and were starting to stretch but the way you gathered it all back together for the big finish was great. Also, I like that you made shout-outs to Babelcolour and Big Finish, more Who fans need to be aware of both.

    This *fucking* episode.

    • (Oh, and there are a few sound errors in this one. Hit enter too soon!)

  2. Ohh How I agree with you. Every time I try to watch these episodes, or miserable excuse for a two parter, every single part hurts. Seriously there is not one frame of this mess I can’t rant about almost as bad as you. Every single part seems to be tailor made to hurt thinking people. Not even early Enterprise episodes were this unbelievably shite. There is not just plot holes here, there’s no real plot to connect the gapping bottomless holes. This is the number one reason for me to punch RTD in the gut if I ever meet him. Miracle Day and the Rose debacle mean I want to get hold of a high powered rifle. Moffat can be a bit hit and miss on occasion but his misses are never this bad.

  3. I… oh my goodness, I now finally understand in full why you hate the episode so much. The sheer amount of asspullery and because-we-said so in it is staggering. So many clichés invoked without any reasoning behind them, making it like… Well, you already said what it’s like, that’s that what you do. And damn well, I might add. I’m not surprised at all that you managed to come up with a much better plot outline, seeing as what you spent was creative thought and not a special-fx-and-guest-stars budget.

    Oh, speaking of guest stars… I’m sorry to say, but a few of the VO cameos seem to be a little bit… uh.. not there.

  4. Funny story. About a year or so back, I was waiting at a bus stop outside a Forbidden Planet, and took a look in the windows at some of the things they had on display. Among them were Doctor Who toys. I happened to notice that they had Rassilon up there, except the box had a different name for him. The Narrator. This indicated to me that the company that made the toy were every bit as aware as everybody else with the remotest piece of fucking knowledge of the character that what we saw in The End of Time was not Rassilon. Not even remotely.

    It’s pathetic, really. Here is one of the most important Time Lords in their history, reduced to a trivia point. The fact only comes into play in one line. One line. It is my opinion that if you are going to reuse an element from the classic show, then it has to be worthwhile. Nope! Just fanwank. A wink and a nod to the classic Who fans, that leaves the new Who fans wondering why their classic Who friends are bashing their brains out against the nearest wall.

    For all the importance this had to the story, The Doctor might as well have said “Back into the time war, Borusa!” or “Morbius!” or “Omega” or… Any named Time Lord in the history of the show. And it would have probably made more sense, but otherwise the story would’ve been completely unaffected given what he does. Why have Rassilon there if he’s not going to be used in some capacity? There is absolutely no argument to get away from the notion that it was complete and unashamed fanwankery that – paradoxically – pissed off the classic fanbase.

    But oh, let’s not forget John Simm! Let’s never forget Mino! That performance hurts whenever I see it. As in, it causes actual physical pain to manifest upon my body, creating the illusion that I am being punched by a hundred angry heavyweight champion boxers. It’s not even that I’m comparing him to the true Master, Roger Delgado! Sure, it’s anecdotal evidence to supply this, but I do have at least one friend that wasn’t a classic Who fan that found it an utterly repulsive and vastly annoying performance.

    I also tried to figure out a way to polish this turd, and came up with a slightly different version. It’s not a complete story outline, and there are lots of missing details but here’s what I came up with. It’s better, but not exactly going to set the world on fire. I’m going to post it in another comment because I could ramble on about this complete mess for hours if allowed and this is kind of long enough as it is.

    So to close this comment: Fuck this story. Fuck both parts of The End of Time with a rusty sawblade. Loved the review of one of the only Who tales I hate.

  5. Right. Here’s how I would’ve fixed this story. Again, it’s not great but it would be an improvement.

    Naismith – whose name I always forget because he is the embodiment of a non-entity – is a member of a cult that worships The Master. I have to admit that while the cult as presented was about the dumbest way it could’ve been done, the underlying idea that The Master would establish a cult at all is certainly one I can get behind. Anyway. The cult’s job was to be a failsafe in case something went wrong. For that purpose they use the immortality gate, which has a different effect. Rather than healing people can bring them back to life instead. It breaks, and now needs a bit of fixing.

    On realising that the Master is alive again, the Doctor heads to UNIT to get a few extra feet on the ground. He knows that his old enemy is up to something big, otherwise the Ood wouldn’t have contacted him like this. Which means he needs feet on the ground and all the assistance he can get. UNIT knows how big a deal the Master is. Recall how high a priority they place upon capturing him.

    The first episode is a bit of a cat and mouse game, with the Master trying to get what he needs to fix the gate while going unnoticed by UNIT and the Doctor. Towards the end of the episode, the Doctor finally catches up with him – but too late to stop the Master from activating the gate and bringing the Time Lord High Council back to life. Hell, make Rasillon president. My only problem with that was characterisation and the purpose of making him Rasillon. In a fixed version, those can be scrubbed quite easily.

    I did like the idea of the Time Lords going a bit barmy towards the end of the time war. I just hated the execution of that idea. So we can keep that, and make the second episode entirely about the Doctor and the Master trying to prevent the Time Lords from coming back and ending the universe If Rasillon is present, exposit about who he is and show that he is a rather major threat.

    Furthermore, this is a fine chance to retcon away a retcon and make that work to the story’s advantage. The drumbeat was not there since childhood because that is dumb. Instead, the Master had it put in there when he was given a new cycle of regenerations, and was conditioned to think it had been there since he was a child so that he did not make the connection. All as a part of his conditioning so that he could become an unwilling and unknowing agent of the Time Lord’s ressurection in case they lost the war. Why keep it secret from him? Well, I can think of a few reasons. Fear that he might try to hold it over them if he knew is the first that comes to mind.

    Ultimately, the second part comes to a climax when the Master appears to have betrayed the Doctor in an attempt to barter for leniency with the high council. It is, of course, a trap to get close enough and distract them so that the gate can be destroyed before the rest of the Time Lords are brought back. In the process, the Master appears to die and the Doctor regenerates due to a failed attempt to save his best enemy causing him to get hit by something.

    An improvement over the original, but still not exactly a great story. There are plenty of details missing that I’d ultimately fill in if it were ever to actually get written. But screw that. If anything I preferred the fix offered in the video.

  6. It’s quite cathartic to hear someone hate this episode more than I do. Who would have bee the 7nth doctor and the 10th if their audio worked?

  7. fyi: RADAR works perfectly fine in space. In fact, it’s constantly being used to help track satellites. You’re mistaking SONAR and RADAR which are two very different things. SONAR works with sound waves which require a thick medium that space can’t provide. RADAR uses electromagnetic waves which require no such medium to travel through.

    I couldn’t tell entirely what was going on from the review; if they were “hearing” the RADAR with their ears, then yeah, stupid. Otherwise, it’s correct.

    • Yeah they were hearing it through the hull. Which made me think they were using very old style radar (which did use sound, didnt it?)

      So yeah, I got it wrong (bound to happen some time:p) but so did they so yay.

  8. As much as our opinions of Tennant may differ (yes, there was a lot of bullshit during his time, but I quite enjoyed him as a character overall), I can’t stand these episodes for much the same reasons that you can’t. I think that this was one of the worst sendoffs to a character that I can remember, and the entire thing came off as though some frustrated toddler got angry because one of his friends didn’t like something he’d built with duplo and just threw a temper tantrum, smashing up his creation out of spite. That’s what the entire end of Tennant’s last two episodes reek of…spite, and unless the spite is self aware and for humor (and preferably non-canon) it just doesn’t work. It shows an utter lack of respect for a fan base.

    Also, radar never used sound, just radio waves. Still, heaven knows I’ve gotten my fair share of facts wrong, so no hard feelings there. Oh, and atomic radiation technically has no color since it is far beyond the visible spectrum, but if it -did- it would be neither green (which is in the middle of the visible spectrum) or red, but I believe would be at the violet end of the spectrum, since nuclear radiation is on the opposite side of ultraviolet from the visible spectrum. So, this episode got it even -more- wrong than the people who show it as green.

  9. My favorite Doctor to date is Christopher Eccleston, which may lower your opinion on what I have to say, but the one I dislike the most is David Tenant, which might raise it. I fucking hated this episode since the moment I saw it, but then again I hated most of Tenant’s run on (come to think of it, its a bit of a miracle that I’m still such a Who fan given that Tenant was my second Doctor) and the nearly two hours you spent ripping this piece of shit to shreds was an utter joy for me.
    I’m interested to see which episode you review next, because while I’m a big fan of the 11th Doctor I still think about half of his first seasons episodes aren’t very good and a good bit of his second season aren’t either, but then again I’m one of those guys who likes River Song.
    I rather liked your rewrite of the episode and would have preferred to watch that. I would have had Romana been warped by the war to the point that she was actively trying to manipulate the Master’s imperfect clone (imperfect clone created at the start of the Time War to explain his shitness and mean that the actual Master is escaping being Eric Roberts elsewhere) and have the Doctor regenerate due to wounds suffered from a battle with his former companion, because a companion turning evil for real is something I’ve yet to see.

    • That… would have blown my mind as an episode. Especially as a Romana fan from back when.

      As opposed to some stupid git clone-injecting all of Earth so he can triangulate a noise.. that’s in his head.. which he’s heard since childhood on another planet.. so clearly the noise in his head doesn’t fucking originate on Earth…. Gah!

  10. I always feel validated when seeing a Twatty Who as you always get the things that irritate the hell out of me.

    I’m looking forward to your take on the Moffat experience, as I’ve found it very patchy indeed, the series arc stories being the most nonsensical.

  11. I watched the quartet of reviews in a row, and the musical switch-up on the last episode’s credits was very welcome.
    Have you considerd using “He’s Alive” for a future show?

    Always find your commentary thought-provoking, and smile-provoking. Thanks for enduring the pain for our entertainment!

  12. I wonder if RTD’s Rassilon had inspiration from Alan Moore’s Rassilon. It also had gauntlets, murderous hand motions, and a desire for immortality and Gallifryan supremacy. So I have to decide whether RTD thought it was cool for Rassilon to act like he did before Timelords existed, or if he just thought that gauntlets are cool.

  13. The off-the-cuff comment about the Master and the Doctor being written as being ex-lovers who have feeling for each other is….actually correct. RTD was quoted in an interview as saying that the Master does love the Doctor but simply can’t admit it.

    Doctor Who is so much better off with RTD gone.

  14. Watching this I had a couple realizations watching this.

    First, the drums are in his head, the drums are “the heartbeat of a timelord”. Wouldn’t that mean he just is hearing his own heartbeat in his head? I am relatively sure despite occasionally having an earache which causes me to have that problem I have not gone insane from it. The plot of this is basically the master throwing a tantrum because he has an ear infection.

    Second, the bit about the time lords destroying the universe and being the only thing left… Isn’t that kind of what the daleks do only with less motive of why? Maybe all the timelords in this episode were actually daleks who realized that with their superior intelligence could make disguises to fuck with the doctor and maybe trick him instead of being kitchen utensils.
    This episode honestly didn’t really bother me until the end, as of the time watching it I only had watched new who episodes, but I have no idea how people I know actually cry at that ending. It’s like a loony toons mockery over dramatic dying scene.

    • They are crying tears of joy over Matt Smith’s Doctor being given to the universe, though they will admit it not.

  15. I… actually really like that rewritten episode. However the one major change I would make is that I’d make is that I’d have the Doctor, in a last second save, actually succeed in saving his race and sacrifice his regeneration to help repent in his initial slaughtering of his people. After all, the point of the Timelock was to make sure the death of the Daleks was permanent. That failed. So WTF is the point of the Timelock!?! I’m tired of this “Last Son of Krypton” bullshit. Even in the Moffat era it’s long since played out. I want the Time Lords back. Or at least other Gallifreyans. Dammit. Even just give me Susan!

  16. Regarding the Master-Clones’ memories, Obama-Master “deleted” the economic quick-fix plan right after transforming, so, yes, they have the original memories. Note that this doesn’t mean I like this episode – I just have this urge to correct people on trivial issues, like seeing a misplaced comma. The horror!

  17. I agree with you so much about 10’s exit, and that’s why I wish you didn’t bash Eccleston so much. I like how you mentioned the 4th and 5th Doctors handling their regenerations better, but I would have given more than a slap at Davies for being unoriginal with having 10 and 9 both sacrifice themselves for a companion. I mean, think about it! 9 sacrificed his life the same way his predecessor did, and the differences in how they go about it show how, in my opinion, NINE was the real Doctor!

    9 never once feels sorry for himself. All his concern is for Rose: “You’re gonna burn!” and he saves her without hesitation or one thought for himself. Contrast this with 10 yelling at an old man about how much more important he is and blathering about regeneration being the worst thing ever like literal death to this same person who will be 100% dead with no possibility for regeneration in a few years due to his old age. 9 actually described it as A WAY TO CHEAT DEATH.

    10 died with such hilariously pathetic undignified weeping and sobbing “I don’t want to go” and that terrified little-kid look on his face. 9, on the other hand, unlike “I could do such more for I am Timelord Victorious” praises himself only as a light-hearted joke, and after taking the time out to tell the woman who is responsible for radiation currently eating him up from the inside out that she was “fantastic, absolutely fantastic”. He then goes out with a broad grin on his face.
    This is Moffat’s “wise man of the universe” who believed what he said in his second story “Everything dies, and everything has its place.”

    You know, maybe the Tenth Doctor was right about regeneration being “Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away, and I’m dead”. There really is no similarity between these two men at all.

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